


Fault

by PrincessSelene04



Series: We Rise with the Sun [2]
Category: Renegades - Marissa Meyer
Genre: And it's adorable, F/M, Forehead Kisses, Hurt/Comfort, I Love You, Insecurity, Kissing, Spoilers, self blame, supernova spoilers, they say "i love you"s to each other, theyre both emotional wrecks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 00:22:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21708181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessSelene04/pseuds/PrincessSelene04
Summary: Nova and Adrian take turns playing the superhero self blame game and they have that "long talk about lying to each other."First chapter is Nova's POV, second is Adrian's POV.
Relationships: Nova Artino | Nightmare/Adrian Everhart | Sketch
Series: We Rise with the Sun [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1564663
Comments: 2
Kudos: 69





	1. It's not your fault

It’d been a few days since the Supernova as people had started calling it. Despite the fact that Nova never felt more exhausted than she had her entire life, she still wasn’t able to sleep. All the memories of years visiting Ace beneath the cathedral plagued her mind day and night. 

She was so angry with herself for not realizing it sooner. How could she have been so blind? The more she thought about it the more she remembered. Ace never truly seemed sad about his brother’s death. He didn’t get angry or cry or show any signs of grief. All he did was push forward in preventing order in Gatlon. He killed innocents and destroyed buildings and sweet rot he hired someone to murder his  _ own brother _ .

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. Standing up from the bed in one of the rooms at Renegades Headquarters, she wiped at her eyes and went to the door. Nova took a breath before opening it.

Adrian stood on the other side, looking just as exhausted as she did. The bandages on his arms were replaced with fresh ones and no blood seeped through. He must’ve gotten the wounds stitched up.

“Hey,” he said softly.

Nova swallowed the lump in her throat. “Hey.” This was it. It was time for their long talk about lying to each other. Even though she contemplated what she wanted to say to him the last few days, everything she prepared disappeared from her mind the second she saw him.

She told Adrian’s dad that she might love Adrian, and she knew now that she definitely did… but did Adrian love her?

“I’m sorry I haven’t been able to see you more since… everything,” he apologized. His hands twitched at his sides, almost like he wanted to reach out and pull her into his arms. “I wanted to come by the other day but my dads asked me to explain the whole Sentinel thing and then I went and helped with cleanup yesterday and Max--”

“Adrian,” Nova cut him off. “It’s okay. I understand.” 

He sighed. “I know, but I should have  _ made _ time for you.” Adrian looked guilty and full of regret. She probably looked the same with her red eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

“It looks like you have time now.” She stepped aside so he could come into the room. “Come in.” Nova shut the door and leaned against it after he entered the room.

Adrian looked around the room devoid of any personal touches. He only then realized that she probably didn’t  _ have _ any personal items left after blowing up the house on Wallowridge. He turned back around to face her. “So… I know we have the Nightmare and Sentinel things out in the open, but I still think we should talk about it.”

She nodded, ready to cave in on herself out of habit. Her instincts screamed at her not to tell him anything about her past, but she knew she had to be open with him if they ever wanted this to work. And she wanted their relationship to work with all her heart.

“I know,” Nova said. “What… or where do you want me to start?”

Adrian shook his head and stepped closer to her, his hands immediately taking hers. “You don’t have to start anywhere, Nova. You don’t have to tell my anything you’re not ready to. I know the most important things for now.”

Her eyebrows furrowed. She prepared to tell him everything, but he didn’t need that, so what was she supposed to do now? “Then what did you want to talk about?”

“I don’t want us to lie to each other anymore,” he whispered, brown eyes looking at her with so much feeling she wasn’t even sure what emotion he was going through.

“Me either.”

His hands squeezed hers and his lips pulled into a smile. That simple act made Nova’s heart leap into her throat. “So no more lies,” Adrian said. “And no more half truths either.”

Nova nodded her head. “No more lies or half truths.” Without thinking she moved into his arms, pressing her face against his neck. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought…”   


“I know.” He wrapped her up into a hug and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “It’s okay. I know your life couldn’t have been easy living in subway tunnels and rarely seeing the sun.”

“I idolized him,” she whispered against his warm skin, horrified for herself. The thought made her sick to her stomach. She believed in Ace’s vision, but she also believed in him and he let her down before she even knew it. Betrayed her before she knew what betrayal was. “He killed my family and I idolized him for  _ years _ , Adrian.”

“He manipulated you, Nova. That’s not your fault. You were a child. Children will believe whatever adults tell them for a long time and he used that to his advantage. Please believe me when I say it’s not your fault and you didn’t deserve what he put you through.”

Nova wanted to believe him, she desperately did, but she still couldn’t help feeling like everything that happened was her fault. So many died in the arena the day she freed Ace. So many people lost their powers. Sure, they’d been returned after the supernova, but it didn’t get rid of what she felt the moment she realized what the Anarchists did.

“Nova,” Adrian said. One of his hands gently rubbed her back. “This isn’t your fault.”

She couldn’t bring herself to say anything. If she did, she’d start crying again. All she did lately was cry and she hated the feeling. She hated being vulnerable so she pressed herself into him more.

His other hand ran through her hair. “I know you don’t usually, but have you slept at all?”

“No.”

“Maybe you should try,” he suggested. “It would be a break from what’s going on in your head. I could stay with you the whole time.”

“I don’t know if I can,” Nova whispered. Part of her wanted to sleep so that she  _ could  _ get a break from her thoughts, but another part of her was scared of what nightmares might plague her. How ironic that she be afraid of the very thing she’s named after.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to. It was just an idea.”

She was silent again, thinking about it. When she fell asleep in the jungle room with Adrian, she didn’t have a single nightmare, and she slept for almost a full day. As long as he stayed with her, it couldn’t hurt to try, right?

“Okay,” she said. Pulling her face away from him she looked up into his eyes. “You’re right. I should try to sleep. It’s the only way I’ll get a break from all this.”

He pressed another kiss to her head then let go. “Good. Want me to make you headphones again?” 

“No. Just… don’t leave me? Please?”

“I won’t. I promise.”

Together they walked over to the twin mattress and Nova pulled the sheets back. It would be a struggle for both of them to fit on it, but they would manage. Adrian laid down first, then pulled Nova on top of him. She wasn’t expecting that. She thought they’d just lay side by side, but… this felt nice.

She reached over and grabbed the blanket to cover them, then snuggled her face into his chest. Nova listened to his heartbeat for a few moments. “Thank you,” she whispered. “For not hating me after all of this. For understanding.”

Adrian secured his arms around her waist. “You don’t have to thank me for anything, Nova. I’d do anything for you. I love you.”

She swore his heart skipped a beat when he said that. All of her fears from before flew out the window when those words left his mouth. Lifting her head, she looked down into his beautiful doe eyes. “I love you too.”

“You don’t have to say it back if you don’t--”   
  
“I mean it, Adrian. I love you.”

A few heartbeats later he was tilting his head forward and pressing his lips against hers. Nova sighed, closing her eyes and kissing him back. She really loved when he kissed her so tenderly as if she was the only person on the planet.


	2. This is my fault

Adrian watched the steady rise and fall of Nova’s chest as she slept on top of him. She’d been out for 12 hours now and he couldn’t have been more relieved. She needed to get out of her head and sleeping was the best way to do that.

He slept with her for most of the last 12 hours, but woke up feeling well rested only 30 minutes before.

His fingers played with the ends of her jet black hair as he thought about the last few days. 

When he branded himself at the cathedral and pushed Agent N into his veins, he was okay with never being a hero again. He didn’t want his creations to harm anyone else like how Phobia killed his mother. 

But no.  _ Adrian  _ killed his mother.

He made Phobia from his drawings and his nightmares. Phobia was alive because of his abilities. If he couldn’t draw things to life than his mother would still be alive. It made him sick to his stomach knowing his mother was dead because of him.

But there was something else that nagged at him. 

On the cathedral roof, Hugh said that Georgia watched over the Artino’s apartment the night she died. If… if that was true, then Phobia was not only the reason Georgia died, but the reason Nova’s entire family died too.

_ Sweet rot. _

Tears pricked at his eyes. This was all his fault. If he hadn’t drawn drawn Phobia, then his mother would still be alive and Nova’s entire family would still be alive. Nova wouldn’t have been forced to be a villain by her uncle. Maybe none of this would have even happened.

Nova shifted on top of him, her face pressing against his neck. Her hand brushed the bandages on his chest that covered the brand. Adrian winced. 

He really should have gone to the healers like his dads said, but the healers needed to help people with more serious injuries. His chest would heal just fine without their help as long as he kept checking it.

Nova settled, breathing deep and even.

Adrian’s hand moved back to her hair, tears rolling down the sides of his face now. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “This is all my fault.” His other hand moved up to wipe at his eyes. He looked up at the ceiling, wishing that this wasn’t true.

She stirred at the sound of his voice, starting to wake.

_ No no no, just keep sleeping, Nova. _ He didn’t want to face her right now, not when he was having a mental breakdown about how he killed both of their families.

“Adrian?” she whispered.

He swallowed. “I’m here.”

Nova hummed, one of her hands moving to his shoulder. “Were you talking to someone?”

“No,” he said. He wasn’t talking to another person, he was talking to himself. Admitting that would be embarrassing. Thankfully she didn’t ask any follow up questions, seemingly content to let him think.

After a few minutes she lifted her head and looked at his face. Her brow furrowed when she saw the tears on his cheeks and the redness in his eyes. “Are you okay?” she asked. Her hand moved from his shoulder to his cheek, brushing her thumb over his soft skin.

“I don’t know,” he admitted.

How could he live with this? How could he keep going knowing that people died because of him?

She looked even more concerned at that. Her face slowly transitioned into understanding. “You’re thinking about your mother.” It wasn’t a question, she knew exactly what he was thinking. Adrian wondered how she did that.

“Yes.”

There must have been something in his expression that told her more, because then she said, “and my family.”

Adrian didn’t try denying it. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see her face when she realized that her parents, her little sister, were also dead because of him. She was going to hate him. She would never want to see him again once she connected the dots.

To his surprise, Nova’s lips pressed against his. Adrian immediately relaxed into the mattress, letting her kiss him. His hands moved to the small of her back to draw her closer.

“Adrian, it’s okay,” she whispered as she kissed him. “I don’t blame you.”

He opened his eyes, looking up at her. “But all of this is my fault.” His voice sounded strained and sorrowful, not at all like his usual self.

“No, Adrian. It’s not.”

“But--”

“ _ No _ ,” Nova said firmly. Both her hands cupped his cheeks, making sure he was looking at her. “Yes, you created Phobia, but it wasn’t consciously. It wasn’t by choice. Adrian, I know you’d never hurt anyone without good reason to. If it’s not my fault for all the things that happened to me, then it’s definitely not your fault for making Phobia when you were a child.”

He sighed, another few tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Adrian?”

“He’s the reason your family is dead.”

Her eyes flickered with some emotion he couldn’t name. “No. Ace is the reason my family is dead. He was the one that hired the Roaches. Phobia may have been a piece of that plan, but he wasn’t the one with the idea.”

He felt so… relieved hearing her say that. It was horrible what happened to his mother, to her parents and sister, but she didn’t blame him.

“What did I do to deserve you?”   
Nova smiled. “Nothing. You’re perfect just the way you are. I think I’m the one who should be asking that question.”

Adrian’s heart leapt. She really thought he was that much better than her? Just because she was raised by villains, didn’t mean she was a bad person. In fact, she was one of the best people he knew. She believed in people and in taking care of them. Sure her direction had been wrong growing up, but she realized that and she changed.

“I love you.” It was only the second time he’d said it to her, but it felt so real. He meant those three words with every fiber of his being. Seeing her smile widen made his heart fill with even more affection for her.

“I love you too, Adrian.”

Nova leaned down to press another kiss to his lips, a kiss he happily accepted. Their lips danced for a few moments before she drew back. 

“How did you sleep?” he asked. “Any bad dreams?”

“No. Did you sleep at all?”

“Almost as long as you did. I didn’t want to wake you.”

“How heroic of you.”   


Adrian rolled his eyes, but he smiled too. “All in a day’s work, Nightmare.”


End file.
